Today has been a year, I can’t believe it’s been a year since I got the worst most unexpected news of my life to date. My best friend, my look and sound alike, my confident, my sister went to Jesus a year ago today. To say that I miss her is an understatement, but I have been so changed by this that she may not recognize parts of me today. I didn’t expect that message that day, I didn’t expect to be told my healthy sister, who had no “conditions” had passed out and they could not get her back. That one statement sent me through a six month whirlwind, that eventually got me to today, the changed person you are reading this from.

First I have to tell you I was in denial about being mad at God, but when I stopped denying it, I realized I was, as we would say, fighting mad at Him. Why you ask, she was a Christian, so I know where she is! That wasn’t the problem though, I had no warning, I had no signs, I had no time, I didn’t get to tell her goodbye or that I loved her ONE MORE TIME!!! She hadn’t been sick, she hadn’t been in any kind of pain, she wasn’t going through testing trying to figure out what was wrong….she was in a great mood that morning I was told, but when it was her moment that was it.

Next came the overwhelmingness of final affairs, and signing her house over to someone else, the emotions of that day are indescribable, so much so that they carried on for days and I didn’t even realize it until I kind of exploded on my daughter.

The point that brought repair was when the Lord spoke to me and told me to get away by myself, I did just that one weekend in May. I rented a house about 4 hrs away from home and made no contact with anyone for 3 days. It was exactly what I needed, no responsibilities, only me and Jesus. This was the point that Holy Spirit spoke the most profound, most releasing words to me… “She was only ever on loan to me, she was always HIS!!!” WOW!!!!!!!! When I allowed that to sink in, it was like the weight of 16 elephants was released off my chest, I truly could breathe again, I could begin to see that I could do this life without her.

Now that doesn’t mean I don’t miss her constantly. There are so many times I want to txt her something. Or I see certain things in the store and think about how much she loved stuff like that. How I want to send her things on pinterest or tell her that Cindy’s birthday dinner was all recipes off her pinterest boards. That I can’t share with her or lean on her as I’m about to move my son and my daughter both off in less then a year. But what I can say is this taught me, I may not have tomorrow.

When a young man I see as another son said wanna go to parent weekend, the weekend I move in to school, 10hrs away, I said yes and went. So when my nephew said he had that day off I invited him to dinner so I could meet his baby then. When my other sister’s birthday rolled around I took her out to dinner asap. When I wanted to see my brother who lives across state, I took off for a week and did just that. I prioritize people more now then “Getting things done”. I will put off an event if someone I care about wants my time, I will take someone I care about to events with me to spend time with them. Do I wanna have lunch with you or spend the day shopping with you just to spend time, why yes I do!!! I may not have tomorrow with you, or you may not have it with me.

Yet you do not know (the least thing) about what may happen tomorrow. What is the nature of your life? You are (really) but a wisp of vapor (a puff of smoke, a mist) that is visible for a little while and then disappears (into thin air).

James 4:14 AMP

So what am I saying to you today? Is your teenager off of work today, then the grocery store can wait. Did you mom or dad call just wanting to talk, take them to lunch. Invite that friend to go see a movie together, or better yet to come by your house and watch a movie in comfort. Invite family to a meal at your house. You never know when the last time you talk to someone will be the last time. Savor the moments and make more of them, memories are oh so precious when they are all you have!!!

So who wants to go to lunch???